Thoughts about my child being molested without reason.

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    Hello. I’ve went through this site and found there are genuinely kind people to talk to about subjects that are delicate. I’ll try to keep this short. I’ve never been sexually abused, I do suffer from anxiety both general and social and I have a 10 year old with adhd who I constantly worry about since she is immature for her age and naive. When I hear horror stories about sexual abuse I tears my heart up, no child should have to endure any abuse! I’m also rather paranoid by nature. Molestation never really concerned me but I do have thoughts that what if someone lured her away she’s so naive it’s possible what if she got lost or kidnapped . These worries come in different degrees. Lately though I’m more paranoid without any real reason just racing thoughts no red flags.  My brother will be moving in in a few weeks and he adores my daughter, he has an older son and never had a little girl. With moving in he’s talked about lots of positive family stuff but also how she’s his favourite and can’t wait to spend time with her, take her out to movies, church etc just out and about and things and she is always welcome to come downstairs and hang. My brother suffers from great social anxiety, bi polar and such mental conditions but on medication and is very mellow and kind. He hasn’t had a female companion in years.  I’m just trying to paint a picture here. Then last week steve wilkos comes on with a show accusing an uncle of molesting his niece that he ended uo guilty for and that of course fules my worries more! As these worries and fears come in different degrees, and my brother maybe living here for a year or so, I feel like I should just keep my guard up and my eyes open, part of me has no worries I know my brother but the other part sometimes takes over and I don’t want anyone near my daughter even hugging! I myself don’t like to be touched unless it’s my husband or I hug my kids but as they get older and develop more my fears grow. There’s no concrete evidence for my concerns no child abuse issues in my family or life just worry worry worry as if the potential is there. Now I’ve worried in the past never about a relative but I tend to let my thoughts consume me at times. What should I do? How should I cope and conduct myself when he moves in. Sometimes I also think though I love my family the dynamic  sometimes should be separated, meaning my family should have its own space and his his own. Any advice or thoughts are greatly appreciated

    SS Moderator
    SS Moderator

    Hello, anxious and fearful thoughts are often unrealistic and not based on facts or evidence. The more we focus on them, the more they grow. Focusing on irrational thoughts can cause them to spiral, creating even more fear and anxiety. This cycle needs to stop. Try to develop a rational inner voice, one that is logical and based on facts and evidence. Write down each one of your paranoid thoughts, analyze it, then write down its rational counterpart. Refocus your attention on the rational thought.

    Challenging unrealistic thoughts and replacing them with reality based thoughts can help you think more clearly. At the same time, be practical and smart. Teach your 10 year old daughter the rules about inappropriate touching, teach her a safety plan where she knows what to beware of  and who to go to for help  if needed.

    Cognitive Behavior Therapy can help you manage your intrusive thoughts, so please try to find a good CBT therapist in your area. A useful self-help book that can help you is: The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Bourne.

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