Sex Fears

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Anonymous 3 years ago.

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    I’m a single girl with no past relationships. Because I’m muslim, I’m not supposed to have sex before marriage. My problem is that I’m always wondering if sex is painful. I always think that it is painful to be touched not to mention even the idea of sex. Something else makes me uncomfortable. I am somehow not confident about my body and I always wonder if the man I am going to marry will feel attracted to my body or not. People would always tell me that I’m too thin and that I should gain weight. I compare my body to others and feel insecure. Men love big boobs. My boobs are so tiny. I have always wished that they would get bigger. I want to have curves. I started going to the gym in order to shape my body but I hardly get any results. I would always picture my married life so perfect. I want a handsome loving husband. I want to look so beautiful and sexy for him. I also fear pregnancy and taking responsibility of a house, husband, and children all alone.

    SS Moderator
    SS Moderator

    Hello, thanks for having the courage to bring up this sensitive topic. Remember this: women come in all sizes and shapes. Marital happiness doesn’t depend upon your body type. Would you agree that there are plenty of happily married thin women out there? Yes, it’s true! Believing that men love only one body type, is a distorted way of thinking. Tying your worth as a wife to just body image is also a distorted and unhealthy way of thinking. Marriage involves friendship, a shared meaning in life, mutual compassion, as well as intimacy. Just focus on being healthy, both physically and emotionally. There’s a lot more to you than physical body type. Your personality, character, skills, talents, abilities are all part of the whole picture, which add up to a beautiful you.

    Sometimes the unknown causes us fear. We tend to think in the worst possible way, imaging pain and rejection. Remember, these are just fearful thoughts, not reality. Thoughts can be brushed aside. Don’t pay attention to these fears, because that’s all that they are, they are not based on any logic. Sex is a natural and good thing between married people. It’s important to maintain realistic expectations as well. All marriages have ups and downs, and each new life phase such as taking on domestic responsibilities or pregnancy can seem daunting at first. Just keep reminding yourself that you are a capable young adult with lots of talents and skills – think positively about yourself.



    Thank you so much. That was helpful.

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