March 17, 2015 at 2:56 pm #543
This is something that happened a while ago, and it’s a long story, but I’m still waiting for myself to be okay. I’m living life for all intents and purposes, and even “forgave” him so we’re still together. We both go to work, have dinner together, socialize together, are intimate sometimes, go on family trips together, and are living a “normal” life. But not a day goes by without me feeling a crazy mix of emotions. It fluctuates from blaming myself, hating myself, or hating him. At times I feel like I’m lucky to still have him, then I feel so stupid for feeling that way. Half the time I really love him and enjoy what we’re doing together, then the next day I can feel the opposite. I know many marriages don’t survive infidelity. But I decided to stay with him for good reasons, and I’m not debating that choice. But I need help in dealing with feeling torn apart. Has anyone gone through anything like this?March 17, 2015 at 9:25 pm #549
Infidelity can be one of the most destructive things in a marriage. You say that it happened a while ago. It sounds as if you are going through a process of grieving – maybe you are grieving the loss of trust in your marriage. The grief cycle includes phases of anger, denial, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. Since you’ve decided to stay in the marriage, I’m assuming you still like something about your husband. If he sincerely regrets his mistake then try to separate his past bad behavior from his current character. If you keep allowing his past betrayal to consume your thoughts, this will sabotage your current relationship with him now and cause you emotional exhaustion.
Repairing a marriage after infidelity takes conscious effort. Have you told your husband that you are feeling torn apart, and having difficulty coping? Would you both consider seeking professional marriage counseling? A therapist can help guide you through the process of healing. Things may never go back to the way they were before the cheating, but since you’ve chosen to stay with him, you owe it to yourself to choose personal attitudes that will help, not hurt you.April 12, 2015 at 10:10 am #564
I’m sorry you went through that, I’m sure it wasn’t easy to get through. It must have taken a lot to be able to accept that and still want to be in a relationship together, and I applaud you for that strength and patience.
I also think you should communicate these thoughts and doubts to your spouse. Maybe what you need is closure on this particular issue, and to discuss it as openly as you can. I’m not married so I haven’t gone through anything like this, but I have had similar reactions to problems with some of the people I love. This conflict of going back-and-forth between several emotions was driving me crazy, especially when mistrust got in the way, and in the end I decided to just be honest and say what was on my mind. Sometimes it was harder than other times, but by the end of it I was always glad I’ve said something to the other person. Only then was I able to shut off my thoughts from turning into doubts and consuming my mind.
You went through a very hard thing, and you don’t deserve to suffer the consequences like this. Don’t be afraid of asking for the things you want.
I hope this was helpful, and I wish you all the best.
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