January 13, 2017 at 6:34 am #1247
I have a fiance, and very few friends, and family, yet I feel alone everyday. My fiance will be there for me if I ask but he doesn’t always know how to be and that’s okay. But learning from the times he’s yelled at me for being sad or stormed out on me for being depressed has taught me I can’t depend on him with emotional areas. Especially with anxiety disorder, depression, not being able to sleep or eat properly. I have to bury it down deep because it’s either too much for him to handle or he doesn’t even try doing the little things he knows would boost my mood. Basically in rough times that don’t involve him he’s a ghost. My very few friends… well my best friend lives in a small town that’s not even on maps so far from me and she struggles a lot with her own life issues I don’t want to be a bother, and I feel as though lately I have. The other so called ‘friends’ are just really people I can hangout with, but don’t talk about my problems with. We’re just not close enough. I also moved which hugely impacted anyone I ever used to talk to. My family is pretty crazy and anytime I try to ask one of them for advice or just to rant they immediately think too seriously and go into the most pessimistic mindset. They would take a bullet for me, but they are mentally not reliable.
Every single day is just a day of me and my thoughts and if I try to share them with someone or full on do, most of the time I don’t get the response I want. I just wish my fiance could notice every time I am sad or dealing with something, and to ask me if I want to talk about it; do so or not, then comfort me or try to bring me joy with all the things he should know does.
But that’s not the reality of my situation right now and I just really need some help. I can’t do this alone or I will die.January 13, 2017 at 8:47 am #1250
First of all thank you for sharing this problem. There are a few things which come to mind. It seems that you don’t have much emotional support, which makes you more vulnerable. Even if your best friend lives far away, and even if she has her own issues, it may be helpful for you to talk to her more often on the phone or skype. You need to talk to someone who has your best interest in mind, and is rational. Maybe she would be happy to help, and maybe talking with you will distract her from her own problems. You mention that your family are not helpful, but they care about you. Is there just one family member you can identify, who you can talk to regularly? Maybe tell that person that you need optimistic practical advice. Emotional support is vital in helping us through rough times.
It also sounds like your fiance is not emotionally supportive. Is it possible that he feels helpless and maybe inadequate in helping you? Is this possibly why he reacts this way? If he is not meeting your emotional needs now, even before you are sharing a life together, you need to ask what it will be like for you after marriage. If pre-marital or couple’s counseling is available to you, it can help you identify the patterns between the two of you, which are leading to him shouting and storming out, leaving you feeling alone again.
An important part of feeling happiness comes from being connected to other people, and having purpose and meaning in life. Can you join an activity where there would be like-minded people? Maybe exposing yourself to new social situations will help widen your social network. Is there something your are passionate about, that you can spend time pursuing? Do you like animals, or have a pet? Having a pet can alleviate loneliness. These things take time, but the only way to do it is to start now and stay committed to helping yourself.
Finally, it sounds like you have depression, and you also mention anxiety. Face to face counseling can help you, especially Cognitive Behavior Therapy, which is shown to be very effective in helping people change their thinking as well as behaviors. Please reach out to a good CBT therapist, you don’t have to feel this way, you need to take steps that will help you.
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