You’ve been through a lot, and the bottom line is that you are sober again and trying to cope. Not only did you suffer childhood sexual abuse, but also childhood emotional neglect. For more information on this please check out Dr. Jonice Webb’s website and her book “Running on Empty”. It may help explain why you’ve had difficulty with relationships. With long-standing deeply ingrained issues like the ones you’ve described, regularly scheduled psychotherapy with an empathic psychologist, in conjunction with the AA program, will help you. Reach out for help and work on yourself for now. Rather than focusing on the loneliness, try to develop a balanced life-style which includes both self-development and spiritual nourishment. Being grateful and useful may help you develop meaning in life and eventually a higher sense of self-worth. When you have these, then you will feel worthwhile in a relationship.
