There is a lot going on here. It sounds like your boyfriend is a functioning addict, meaning that he manages to live his life without letting it fall apart – but just barely. Your relationship with him has a history of instability. Then there is your very limited emotional support, your depression, and the fact that you seem to be dependent on him (needing his permission etc). Please read up on “narcissim”- he may have traits of this personality. And you may have traits of “codependency”. A good source for information is: psychcentral.org
Only YOU can improve your life. Can you pick one thing to work on at first? Maybe try to improve your social life. Really make an effort. Depression causes a downward spiral of withdrawal and isolation. Ask yourself what you can do to be more sociable, and work on making some changes. If you have a social network of more than just one person, you may have more support and things to look forward to. Are there any support groups in your area? Or pre-school play groups? Is there a community center where you could take part in activities? Or is higher education an option, so that you can slowly become financially independent? Tell yourself that it’s YOUR life, and you need to live it fully.
You sound stuck in an unhealthy relationship. Try to brainstorm realistic options for improving your life. If possible, go to a psychologist for individual counseling. Depression is treatable, but it requires effort.